Sunday, March 14, 2010

But wait...there's more!

As promised, we are back today to recognize all the stories that stuck out in the minds and hearts of our judges and hosts. We hope you will appreciate their thoughts and congratulate those who won these special awards! Definitely check out these stories - they are amazing!

Each judge and host chose one particular story to recognize for whatever reason it stood out - and made up her own award name as well! In addition, she provided a little write up with reasons why she chose this fic. The judges' choices will be up first, followed by the stories selected by the hosts.

HunterHunting's Pick - Up to Scratch by Vican

HunterHunting had this to say:

So--as an angst h00r I was expecting to fall in love with an angsty piece and wussperv myself into oblivion with three-ply tissues. I did this, cried and sniffled my way through a couple of one-shots and then, oh then, I stumbled upon this gem. I nearly peed myself with glee and snorted my way through it until my hubs looked at me with disgust. Quirking an eyebrow he pointed the remote control at me and clicked 'mute' which clearly was not effective in the least as I don't repond to remote control activity unless it's one of those 'bullet' things. I continued to snort.

And then . . . *cue sweaty palms and perv induced blush.*

Annnnnd then, I got hot under the collar--while I was laughing my ass off--at the same time. The Edward in the fic is not only awk-stalkerwardishly adorkable, he's hot as fuck in his nerdy, geeky, stuttering cuteness. I want him to scratch my itch. I want him to rub lotion into my rash while I moan out my gratitude. Seriously, even through the hilarity of the entire story--and it is a complete story but still leaves me dying for an second chapter, and a third, and maybe some lotion rubbing courtesy of Edward--I couldn't stop the hot flash that ran across my body at the sexiness that this particular author inspires.

Who thought scratching an itch could get me wet? Not I. How greatly did I underestimate the eroticism of rash scratching? To the nth degree, because it's probably the hottest, strangest UST I've ever stumbled across in a fic.

I want this to continue so badly. I will stalk this author in order to get past the damn UST and give me some of the action I am craving. Okay, maybe I won't stalk, but I will certainly request, maybe even plead on my knees for the continuation of this story because the humour is fantastic and the story and characters are well developed. I want more. I can't help it. I've read this twice, and I'll go back in and read it again.

Jennifer.lyn215 AND Mrs.TheKing's Pick - Sunday Sundae by shalu

Jennifer.lyn215 had this to say:

I am a huge Emmett fan. I am team Emmett all the way and it's not very often that I come by a fic or a one shot with him as the main character. I loved this fic, because not only were there some hot moments in it, it was the goofy Emmett I picture in my mind! I must give credit for the "watermelon pregnancy" because honestly, I would have NEVER thought of something so hilarious!

Mrs.TheKing added:

Crazy awesome! Funny, sexy, perfect Rose and Emmett in a hilarious setting. Best one I read!

Kristi28's Pick - Touched by heywoodlane

Kristi28 had this to say:

I love Alice. Of all the Twilight characters, Alice seems to be the one that writers can have the most fun with. From the first sentence where she declares that being short sucks, to her overly descriptive imaginary Jasper shower scene, Alice tells a story and is told stories that made me laugh out loud. I couldn't help but think of poor Esme going to Sam's Club to buy tissues and lotion in bulk for those boys. Not to mention any fic that involves Emmett is a plus, and Emmett masturbating gets me every time.

Naelany's Pick - All the Ingredients for a Good Day by EchoesOfTwilight

Naelany had this to say:

I can so very much relate to how she's feeling when her birthday goes by forgotten by those she loves. I was swept away by the tenderness and care her mystery person put into the challenge for her, even though he had help and very little time to pull it together. I loved the way he stepped in and just made her day so, so much better. I don't think she could have had a better birthday. It made me wish someone had done that for me years ago when I was single lol. Still, a girl can dream, right? ;-)

PolkaDotMama's Pick - Asymmetrical Hues by StarlightSuccubus

PolkaDotMama had this to say:

I love a fiction that is willing to take a risk and go beyond what it expected. StarlightSuccubus starts out her story with a series of short sentences that pulled me in, soothing me with the lilt and rhythm of her words and allowing me to let go of my world and be drawn into her vision. Then she shifts her story telling style to a more pragmatic style, giving us the details we need to understand Jasper’s POV. Bella takes over the narrative to tell her story before Jasper speaks again. Both of them lulled me with their short thoughts that were interspersed throughout their story. Jasper continues to go back, thinking of the same things to calm himself, but in the end, it turns out to be so much more than I initially expected. This is a story that I know I will come back to, learning more with each reading.

Chicklette's Pick - A Slip Down Memory Lane by SweetDulcinea

Chicklette had this to say:

When I began reading stories for this contest, I simply started clicking on titles, paying no attention to prompt or author name. I wanted the experience of reading the stories without prejudice of what I *thought* the story should be. (I will say that I expected most stories to be funny.)

So I was surprised when I found myself getting drawn deeper and deeper into this story of Edward and Bella. One night, as Edward is using an ATM machine, he runs into old flame Bella. Told from Edward’s point of view, it’s apparent from the first that he’s still in love with her. However, he respects that she broke things off, and he doesn’t try to make their chance encounter into anything more.

Until Bella slips on some ice and ends up wounded. She tried to phone her brother, Garrett for help, but Edward won’t hear of it. Instead, he insists on taking her to the emergency room himself, and he waits there with her while she repeatedly tries to reach her brother or his girlfriend, Kate. As they wait, Edward begins to reflect on his brief relationship with Bella, including the moment when she broke his heart and called things off.

One of the things that really drew me in to this story was SweetDulcinea’s use of dialogue. She really has an ear for it, and at no point was I distracted from the story by an awkward turn of phrase. She paints Bella and Edward’s relationship with such sweetness, that it’s a little hard not to fall in love with these two.

Add to all of that hints of humor, a fantastic Carlisle, and some excellent musical references (I’m a huge Jimmy Eat World fan), and this story moves from being a good little one shot to something that really stuck with me. So what are you waiting for? Go! Read! Now!! :)

SorceressCirce's Pick - The More Things Change... by bmango and theladyingrey42

SorceressCirce had this to say:

During validation for this contest, the hosts scanned each story, stripped it of all identifying information, and sent it on to the authors. More often than not, I found myself reading a story more carefully, and then I'd have to stop myself, finish my job, and send it on its way (otherwise, I'd never get finished). With "The More Things Change..." by bmango and theladyingrey42, I wasn't able to do that. I was sucked in immediately, and after starting and stopping several times, I finally just gave up and read the story in its entirety.

And then backed up and read it again.

This story has so much of what I love - the angst that comes from miscommunication, the struggles of a young gay man trying to come out, and the disappointment and hurt that comes from betrayed trust. I loved the separation between the voices of the characters and the fluid change between points of view. The typical back-tracking and overexplanation wasn't there, allowing me to get lost in the story and experience such heartbreaking moments as when Edward first sees Jasper appear on his doorstep after a heated almost-argument:
I didn't know how long I stood there, watching sleet drip down his face, droplets on his eyelashes and his dirty blond ringlets hanging limply. Everything about him limp.



Both of these young men are longing for something they think they cannot have - something Jasper, at least, isn't even sure he wants, and bmango and theladyingrey42 do an amazing job of weaving their narratives together to create a captivating tale that left me satisfied and hopeful - just like their boys.

YogaGal's Pick - Basements, Batman, and the Art of Quiet Flip Flops by PerfectlyPersuasive

YogaGal had this to say:

After reading PerfectlyPersuasive's entry, Basements, Batman and the Art of Quiet Flip Flops, I couldn't help but deem it: Tastiest "I can't believe it's not Crack" Fic. PerfectlyPersuasive weaves a story based on an absolutely uncomfortable prompt and teeters the edge of crackfic, while still maintaining an enjoyable, hilarious and adorable story. You completely feel for Edward, who has the misfortune of living with a Rascal bound Carlisle and a buxom, beddazzled Esme. He escapes to the basement so he doesn't have to deal with his crazy parents, but when his basement comforts disappear, will an old playboy magazine ease his worries or just fuck his life up even more? This fic had me laughing out loud all throughout it, and had my mouth agape in disbelief more often than not. PerfectlyPersuasive certainly embodied the spirit of the contest through her prompt. I would be remiss if I didn't add that any fic that personifies the wack off cream as "Mrs. LubridermBottle" certainly seals a place in my heart forever.

Zigster's Pick - With Enthusiasm by ginginlee

Zigster had this to say:

So, yeah, I bet I know what a fair few of you are thinking: How many revenge driven stories are there where TP and oreos work in tandem as Bella's side-kicks in crime, exactly? Well, that's not really the point here. The point, my little chickens, is that this story is funny. Plain and simple. It has a hell of a spunk-tastic Bella whose internal monologues are epically entertaining to read through, with some simultaneous sage advice thrown it about what not to do while exacting revenge on cheating boyfriends. (i.e. don't lock the keys in the getaway vehicle while it's stationed in said cheating boyfriend's driveway)

Comedy is hard to pull off in my opinion. I feel that good comedy -- the stuff that will actually makes you snort ze OJ through ze nostrils -- should be recognized. That's what I'm awarding here. A truly funny little tale about Bella going ape-shit bananas on Mike Newton's house, and the not so victorious ending that follows.

Go read it. Now, would be preferable. *winks*

We hope you all enjoyed this contest and found some great stories to read! We want to thank everyone who participated in any way - without you, this wouldn't have been possible!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

We Have Our Winners!

Thank you so much to everyone who submitted a story, read, and voted! We couldn't have done it without you! We would also like to thank our amazing judges, without whom we never would've made it through this with our sanity intact (yes, we realize the state of our sanity is debatable - but it is unquestionably better than it would have been without those six lovely ladies!).

We were astounded by the reception of this contest! We gave out over 160 prompts and received 70 well-written entries, so the competition was fierce.

We know what you're here for, so without further ado...we'd like to present the winners of the FML contest!

Open Voting

In the open voting rounds, all seventy stories went head-to-head to compete for the top two spots. The top ten from each of the two rounds went on to the final round, which featured the twenty stories that had been deemed the best by readers.

First Place - Scared STIFF by Breath-of-Twilight and Fragile Human

Well it’s no surprise to us that this little ditty won the open voting round. It contains all of the elements we’ve come to expect in a well-written one-shot: sexy Edward, beautiful Bella, some very tart fruit of the citrus variety, and a dose of humor, for good measure.

It’s Edward and Bella’s 15th anniversary. Edward, fearing that the spark may be dying, decides to go all out for their special night. He makes her a beautiful meal and then surprises her (and himself!) with a dose of that little blue pill.

What happens next can only be described as sheer hilarity:

“I was the one in danger of losing a vital piece of my anatomy! Suddenly, Bella snorted.
Not some dainty little squeak, either. It was a full blown, nose-clearing, porcine reminiscent snort.”

Now do you see where this is going? And wait – we’re only half-way there! What follows is a trip to the emergency room, and a familiar foe from days of yore returns to complete Edward’s humiliation.

How will it end? We’re not telling, but this story truly encompasses the meaning of “Fuck My Life.”

Second Place - Epiphanies and Grenades by fardareismai2

Oh my. This one-shot beings in a foxhole during World War II. Seth Clearwater and Edward Cullen are partnered, trading shifts as one sleeps and the other stands guard. Edward is pulled from sleep as a strange noise awakens him.

He looks over to see Seth, clearly having a personal moment. What ensues is an incredibly delicious slashy moment, one that leaves the characters and readers alike highly satisfied. Yet, this story isn’t all slashy lemon. FarDareisMai2 takes the time to set the scene, and deals with the aftermath as well:

"Edward, I'm sure you have a lot of questions, and if nothing ever happens again I understand, but I'm not gonna lie, I really hope it happens again," he finished with a whisper.

"I think," I whispered back, "I think I'd like that."

The story sweeps toward its conclusion, bringing out of post-coital bliss and back into the rough and tumble of the war. Will Seth and Edward make it out alive? Will they make it out together? C’mon, you don’t think we’d spoil the end, do you?

What we can say is this: the final moments of this story embody the spirit of “Fuck My Life” with perfection. Give it a read – you won’t be disappointed!

Judges' Selection Round

During validation, each story was read by two judges, and each judge had a chance to choose her three favorite stories to go through to the JSR. Once all the judges had made their selections, all eighteen of the chosen stories were sent out to all six judges, who then read them and scored them with a very complicated spreadsheet to assign values to things like "Use of Prompt" and "Technical Grammar," all the way down to a gut emotional reaction to the story. The two stories that had the highest average were declared the winners of the JSR.

First Place - All the Ingredients for a Good Day by EchoesOfTwilight

We've all had bad days, but when they land on your birthday, it is certainly the epitome of an FML. EchoesOfTwilight received a prompt that made my own heart break a little:

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

EchoesOfTwilight took this prompt and gave her protagonist, Bella, a reprieve with a sweet and happy ending to her birthday. Despite the craptastic birthday she had been having, her hot neighbor does his best to make it better. A funny, sweet and ultimately romantic twist to this FML made it pure win for our judges.

Second Place - Dark Nights and Better Days by coolbreeeze

This story will make you mad, sad, and go 'awwwwwwwwww' all at once. As if getting cheated on isn't bad enough, Jasper comes home after kicking his boyfriend out to find that all of his favorite game stations have been tossed out the window and shattered...much like his love life. Somehow, Coolbreeze still manages to give Jasper a very happy ending in this one shot that captured the attention of all the judges.

Special Awards and Mentions

We want to congratulate all our winners for a job extremely well done despite starting out with a complete FML reaction as soon as they received their prompts They took bad situations and made them interesting...made them funny...made them sad...just made them awesome in general, and we are thrilled with the turn out!

But wait...we're not finished! Oh, no - please come back tomorrow for the announcement of our special awards. Each judge and each host has chosen a story near and dear to her heart for...well, whatever reason. Some of the awards are serious, some are funny, but all are heart-felt, and we welcome you all back to congratulate those winners as well - tomorrow!

Friday, February 26, 2010

1st Round of Open Voting has come to a Close

Hello there chickens. The first round of voting is now closed, and the second batch of stories are now up for the open vote on the FML profile. The current round goes till March 3rd, so mark your calenders.

Here are the story links and descriptions of the TOP TEN from the first round. Enjoy!

1. Cell Mates by lexiecullen17
A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!" Straight-laced-Bella's bachelorette weekend in Vegas gets a wee bit out of hand. Entry for the FML Contest. M for RIPE LEMONS.

2. Epiphanies and Grenades by fardareismai2
FML One Shot Contest Entry. Foxholes and Germans and Sex, Oh My! We're not in Kansas anymore folks. Just how do Edward and Seth cope with the misery of Bastogne? Rated M for a reason. Slash/Explicit sex and language. AH/AU

3. The Good Doctor by zeewriter
FML Contest Entry - Jacob must take care of his newly disabled father. He meets his father's doctor... but so does his mother.

4. Scared STIFF by Breath-of-twilight & Fragile Human
Edward delves into the world of 'the lil blue pill' never once considering the dire consequences. Come see what pops up. Entry for the FML contest collab with Fragile Human

5. Here's To You Mrs. Robinson by Zhivago3
When life imitates art, will Edward be able to follow in Dustin Hoffman's shoes? One-shot for the "FML Contest." Rated M for language and lemons.

6. Asymmetrical Hues by StarlightSuccubus
He is my lazy brother. She is my perfect wife. He is a brilliant painter on drugs. She is an erotica writer in disguise. At 7:43 a.m. I leave for work and they stay wrapped up in their little bubble of art. Written for the FML contest.

7. A Slip Down Memory Lane by SweetDulcinea
Edward fell hard & fast for Bella, but his fight with her brother ended their relationship. When Bella falls hard & fast on the ice, a trip to the ER brings them back together. That is until an epic misunderstanding… FML Contest entry - ExB AH

8. Foul Balls and Phone Calls by Missus T
My entry in the FML contest. Bella and Edward are keeping thier relationship a secret from her parents. Yeah, you know that's not going to work out well.

9. Aphro-lie-te by UnintendedFrenzy
Written for the FML contest. Bella Swan is not proud of the fact that she's a virgin, so she takes on a challenge handed to her by her therapist in the hopes it will ease her sexual frustrations. Rated M for lemons and language.

10. Fruitcake by Kindall W
One-shot for the FML Contest. Poor Edward. His family thinks he's gay, and gives him a fruitcake at Christmas to symbolically let him know that they're okay with it. The trouble? He's straight. ExB. AH. Oh, boy. Link to the contest in the story.

Thank you to all who voted! Now go cast your vote for your next batch of favs!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Promptly Posting Prompts...

Hmm.... how do I choose? And where did my eyes go?

Sigh, when all was said and done the other day, Circe, Zigs, Yoga, and Chick (respectively) looked back on their community of stories and counted 70 entries.  We all then promptly fell down, squeed our pants and writhed on the floor... 

I think I'm veering off track again. *ehem* 

So, the first round of open voting for the FML contest is up HERE! Please go and cast your vote. You can pick up to FIVE in this first round, so do your darndest. 

Now, since there are 70 stories to sort through, we wanted to make it easier on you to find your cup o' tea. Your niche. Your own personal brand of OMFG-I-love-this-fic-so-much-let-me-go-tweet-it-to-the-universe-and-share! 

Below is a list of the first batch of stories in our archives. These 17 fics are apart of the ones currently up for voting on the profile. (Found HERE) I'll post the next bunch (to complete the first 35) shortly. 

These all fabulous in their own way, and they all deserve some love. 

In no particular oder... 

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said, “Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw.” It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend’s parent’s house and forgot his phone. FML 

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML 

Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML 

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend's birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend’s dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girl’s bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards I just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend’s floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. 

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML  

Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38, and we're 18. She said yes. FML 

Today, my fiance and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML 

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML 

Today my finace’ told me he didn’t have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make payments myself. Now we aren’t engaged any more and are “dating” FML

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

Today I was buying beer at the liquor store I always buy beer at. I discovered that some of the people who work there worry about me if I don't come in to buy beer every day. FML

Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a 50+ only housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML

The next batch will be up soon!!! 

Monday, February 15, 2010


...It's just the last day for entries. 


First, I feel the need to share some love. It's been a long, fucked up road we've taken on this FML journey, and I want to show you all that we -- Circe, Chick, Zigs and Yoga -- as a collective,  care. 

So in case you've been living under a rock for the past day and a 
half, or you've just been too busy working on your FML entry 
(we love you for it) to have noticed, Rob's Details photoshoot video
was posted yesterday. Here 'tis for your viewing pleasure and easy
access. Enjoy. 

Now that you've all creamed yourselves, back to the topic at hand! 

Make a check list, kiddies! There's lots of things to do.

1. Finsh fic
2. Get fic Beta'd
3. Edit fic
4. Give fic it's appropriate rating
5. E-mail fic to Circe, Chick, Zigs and Yoga at in
 both doc and link formats
6. Rejoice and rewatch Rob's Details vid
7. Have a drink
8. Take a cold shower

.... I think I've veered off course here. I'll stop. 

Ta ta for now darlings! 

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

5, 4, 3, 2, 1... KABOOM!

There is only FIVE more days are left for y'all to e-mail us your requests for prompts!!! Over 140 people have done so, so far. You should be next! It's quick and painless. We promise, we don't bite. *winks* 

Please e-mail your prompt requests to the above address. 
Ciao bbs! 

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Pimpage Material

So, Circe and Zigs went a little crazy with creating imagery for this contest. As a result we have a plethora of banners, buttons, and avatars. If you'd like to help us pimp and advertise the contest, feel free to use these to share the pretty and spread the word.