Hmm.... how do I choose? And where did my eyes go?
Sigh, when all was said and done the other day, Circe, Zigs, Yoga, and Chick (respectively) looked back on their community of stories and counted 70 entries. We all then promptly fell down, squeed our pants and writhed on the floor...
I think I'm veering off track again. *ehem*
So, the first round of open voting for the FML contest is up HERE! Please go and cast your vote. You can pick up to FIVE in this first round, so do your darndest.
Now, since there are 70 stories to sort through, we wanted to make it easier on you to find your cup o' tea. Your niche. Your own personal brand of OMFG-I-love-this-fic-so-much-let-me-go-tweet-it-to-the-universe-and-share!
Below is a list of the first batch of stories in our archives. These 17 fics are apart of the ones currently up for voting on the profile. (Found HERE) I'll post the next bunch (to complete the first 35) shortly.
These all fabulous in their own way, and they all deserve some love.
In no particular oder...
Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said, “Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw.” It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend’s parent’s house and forgot his phone. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML
Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend's birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML
Today, I woke up in my boyfriend’s dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girl’s bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards I just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend’s floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting.
Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML
Today, I found out that my father asked my best friend to marry him. He's 38, and we're 18. She said yes. FML
Today, my fiance and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML
Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We told the Mexican waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-english speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML
Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML
Today my finace’ told me he didn’t have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make payments myself. Now we aren’t engaged any more and are “dating” FML
Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML
Today I was buying beer at the liquor store I always buy beer at. I discovered that some of the people who work there worry about me if I don't come in to buy beer every day. FML
Today, I found out the guy I've been seeing for 3 months lives at home with his parents. He's 30. They live in a 50+ only housing complex and he sneaks in the side door. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
Today, the girl I've loved for the past two years finally expressed her innermost feelings for me. After a brief make out session, she asked me to "never leave her side". When I got home, my mom told me that my dad got a new job. I'm moving to the other side of the globe in two weeks. FML
The next batch will be up soon!!!
ENJOY!
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